I work at a church and of late have had multiple discussions on the seemingly lethargic attitude of the average church member. This observation is neither new nor singular to my group but it washes across those who seek daily to add to the kingdom of God and minister to humanity. Everyone has an opinion and here is mine. The health of the individual spiritual heart reflects the spiritual attitude. Active or lethargic, or somewhere in between, your spiritual heart health can be observed in your displayed existence.
This is not the question of being ‘saved’ versus ‘lost’ nor being’ fruitful’ as a result of a mature Christian. All those who have accepted Christ as their savior have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit; John 14:1 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. Similar to other analogies of a maturing Christian I would suggest that our spiritual heart, that which only God and we truly realize, fluctuates in health with the choices we make and the deeds we do. Though no one can see our spiritual heart its health can often times be sharply displayed by our actions or the means of our existence. Luke 6:45, The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
As we age, grow and change our life and spiritual life are affected by our choices and circumstances. To mature as a disciple of Christ our choices and circumstances will have purpose and meaning and we will be more than a reed pushed around by the wind. It would seem the lethargic Christian may accept Christ as their savior but not as the author of their life story. An unhealthy heart receives an infusion upon acceptance of Christ into our lives and then fluctuates within the average to ordinary range as is evident by what we say, the choices we make and how we exist.
What does your life indicate the health of your spiritual heart is? Do you live in average but spike towards extraordinary or live in mediocre and dip towards unhealthy? We are the only ones that know the true condition of our spiritual heart but the world is often given more than a glimpse at the true condition: the angry hand signals while driving, our time at the food bank, the small, unknown indiscretions at work, at night, out with friends, our years as a mentor, our nasty comments to the cashier, our trip to help disaster victims.
We fluctuate with circumstances and the choices we make. As we mature in our walk with Christ and allow Him to be the author of our life story we begin a regular fluctuation between ordinary, extraordinary and astonishing. Donald S. Whitney is author of one of many spiritual resources with his book Ten Questions to Diagnose Your Spiritual Health. Those questions are: Do you thirst for God? Are you governed increasingly by God’s word? Are you more loving? Are you more sensitive to God’s presence? Do you have a growing concern for the spiritual and temporal needs of others? Do you delight in the Bride of Christ? Are the spiritual disciplines increasingly important to you? Do you still grieve over sin? Are you a quicker forgiver? Do you yearn for heaven and to be with Jesus?
Make the determined effort to take the steps towards spiritual maturity and let your heart live spiritually between extraordinary and astonishing.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
What Are You Known For?
“You need look no further for any man’s god than where he derives his identity.”Beth Moore
Actions speak louder than words. A picture is worth a thousand words. Ask a friend and a general acquaintance to describe you as though to someone else. Do they describe your actions as well as your attributes? Did they list what you like to do or what they’ve seen you do? From their words can you determine what you are KNOWN for? “She goes skiing every weekend and makes one trip a season to Colorado. She has so much ski equipment she can’t park her car in the garage….” “He collects baseball cards, he has gone to every major league game and he has a team jacket he wears all the time….” What are you known for?
Listen to how people are described to you. “He’s a great guy but he likes to smoke cigars, a little too much.” “She can be fun but don’t tell her anything you don’t want spread around.” “He gets things done but he can be really pushy if you want to make any changes.” We rarely hear the “but….” part of those statements describing us but you can figure out that part by analyzing your public image. What are in the pictures you post on Face book, My Space, your blog? Is there a similar theme running through most of them? What symbols, pictures or posters decorate your living space? Where do you spend your free time, with who and doing what?
Nobody is perfect and your friends are friends because they like you in spite of your negative aspects but you may want to take occasional assessment of “what you’re known for” in the general acquaintance circles of your life. What you find may embarrass you enough to make a change. The extreme is “Girls Gone Wild” but that behavior in varying levels on a regular to semi-regular basis, for anyone, says the same thing. You may be known as; high maintenance, a gossip, untrustworthy, self centered, snotty, too full of yourself, arrogant, a princess, god’s gift to women. The average individual wants to be seen in a positive light and is generally surprised to note they carry a negative label.
I was ‘inadvertently’ informed that I was a gossip and therefore untrustworthy. Upon further reflection, once the shock subsided, I realized this was a correct label because I enjoyed being the first to deliver “juicy” information about friends and acquaintances alike. When it was revealed to me that friends were not sharing with me BECAUSE I was untrustworthy I was hurt but even more embarrassed. I set out to change that perception of me which could only be accomplished by NOT gossiping. There is always someone willing to attach a negative adjective but, for me, a gossip and untrustworthy of a confidence is no longer among them. I want to be known for; always smiling, being friendly, having a positive attitude, laughing often, enjoying life, loving people and representing Christ as He calls us to. This only happens if I do these things. What do you do? What are you known for? What do you WANT to be known for?
"Acquiring accurate self-knowledge, which is impossible without the illumination of the Holy Spirit, is absolutely necessary if we are to recognize the perversity through which we stumble." Christianity Today editorial Self-Examination Time.
Actions speak louder than words. A picture is worth a thousand words. Ask a friend and a general acquaintance to describe you as though to someone else. Do they describe your actions as well as your attributes? Did they list what you like to do or what they’ve seen you do? From their words can you determine what you are KNOWN for? “She goes skiing every weekend and makes one trip a season to Colorado. She has so much ski equipment she can’t park her car in the garage….” “He collects baseball cards, he has gone to every major league game and he has a team jacket he wears all the time….” What are you known for?
Listen to how people are described to you. “He’s a great guy but he likes to smoke cigars, a little too much.” “She can be fun but don’t tell her anything you don’t want spread around.” “He gets things done but he can be really pushy if you want to make any changes.” We rarely hear the “but….” part of those statements describing us but you can figure out that part by analyzing your public image. What are in the pictures you post on Face book, My Space, your blog? Is there a similar theme running through most of them? What symbols, pictures or posters decorate your living space? Where do you spend your free time, with who and doing what?
Nobody is perfect and your friends are friends because they like you in spite of your negative aspects but you may want to take occasional assessment of “what you’re known for” in the general acquaintance circles of your life. What you find may embarrass you enough to make a change. The extreme is “Girls Gone Wild” but that behavior in varying levels on a regular to semi-regular basis, for anyone, says the same thing. You may be known as; high maintenance, a gossip, untrustworthy, self centered, snotty, too full of yourself, arrogant, a princess, god’s gift to women. The average individual wants to be seen in a positive light and is generally surprised to note they carry a negative label.
I was ‘inadvertently’ informed that I was a gossip and therefore untrustworthy. Upon further reflection, once the shock subsided, I realized this was a correct label because I enjoyed being the first to deliver “juicy” information about friends and acquaintances alike. When it was revealed to me that friends were not sharing with me BECAUSE I was untrustworthy I was hurt but even more embarrassed. I set out to change that perception of me which could only be accomplished by NOT gossiping. There is always someone willing to attach a negative adjective but, for me, a gossip and untrustworthy of a confidence is no longer among them. I want to be known for; always smiling, being friendly, having a positive attitude, laughing often, enjoying life, loving people and representing Christ as He calls us to. This only happens if I do these things. What do you do? What are you known for? What do you WANT to be known for?
"Acquiring accurate self-knowledge, which is impossible without the illumination of the Holy Spirit, is absolutely necessary if we are to recognize the perversity through which we stumble." Christianity Today editorial Self-Examination Time.
Friday, March 20, 2009
A Good Life Guaranteed: Skill, Credit, Hope
In a country that provides endless possibilities and free public education there is a basis on which you can be guaranteed a good life. This is a base. There are innumerable additions to ensure a happy life, fruitful life, secure life, purpose driven life, etc. but these three things, with no other efforts, motivations or requirements will see you through a good life.
Have a skill. This is best decided early in life when there is more time, choices and fewer commitments on you personally. This skill can be developed in many different ways. Not everyone is college bound but if you are get good grades in high school because they equal money in college. Many high schools offer tech classes and/or opportunities to apprentice in the field such as mechanics, drafting, construction, beauty school to name a few. There are many technical schools offering two year programs for; medical lab specialists, x-ray or records, blood banks, legal assistants computers etc. If schooling isn’t for you find an area of interest and be willing to start at the bottom and work your way up. The McDonalds Restaurant Corporation has its own Hamburger University for manager trainees; United Supermarkets have baggers who worked their way up through Dairy, Produce and upward to store manager. In a country with endless possibilities develop a skill that will assure you a steady income.
Create and maintain a good credit rating. Credit is the economic merry-go-round and a good credit rating is the fee to ride. Begin a credit history by obtaining a loan or credit card and paying off the loan or purchases promptly. When you begin providing evidence that you will pay for what you purchase, in a timely manner, companies want to extend you credit. With a good credit rating you can purchase a house or car, begin a business, fund college, etc. A good credit rating can be damaged by one incident of late payment or default. A bad credit rating can be reversed and will take time and patience but is WELL worth the effort. A poor example of fiscal responsibility belongs to one who never has enough money, never money when it is needed, constantly looking for the next dollar, always wanting, wanting, wanting. A GOOD example will include a savings account, there may not be much in it but the plan to save is in place, staying on time with credit payments, saying “no” when a purchase will over extend the budget, taking another job and being patient towards a large or desired purchase. Observe the behavior you want to exhibit and pattern your financial life accordingly. Build a good credit history and protect it.
Have hope. Hope is defined as ‘the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.’ Psychological studies of prisoners have proven that without HOPE the will to live or survive dies and generally the individual dies shortly after. Without hope there is no motivation to develop a skill, no need to have good credit, no desire to enjoy life, no need to be a productive member of society. You can hope in many things; yourself, country, government, popular figure, parents, God. Your hope in any one, or more, of these is that they will provide you with what you want in your community, society, life; you expect they can affect your life in a positive way and so you place your hope in them. Hope moves you forward when there is no evidence or reason to move. Hope keeps you trying through the dark of circumstances when there is no light at the end, hope helps a neighbor, lends a hand, makes you vote, keeps you working. Hope feeds the soul and without it your inner light expires. The Christian life is based on hope; Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” If you lack hope, or would like to be more hopeful, I would be happy to share more on this topic with you.
Have a skill. This is best decided early in life when there is more time, choices and fewer commitments on you personally. This skill can be developed in many different ways. Not everyone is college bound but if you are get good grades in high school because they equal money in college. Many high schools offer tech classes and/or opportunities to apprentice in the field such as mechanics, drafting, construction, beauty school to name a few. There are many technical schools offering two year programs for; medical lab specialists, x-ray or records, blood banks, legal assistants computers etc. If schooling isn’t for you find an area of interest and be willing to start at the bottom and work your way up. The McDonalds Restaurant Corporation has its own Hamburger University for manager trainees; United Supermarkets have baggers who worked their way up through Dairy, Produce and upward to store manager. In a country with endless possibilities develop a skill that will assure you a steady income.
Create and maintain a good credit rating. Credit is the economic merry-go-round and a good credit rating is the fee to ride. Begin a credit history by obtaining a loan or credit card and paying off the loan or purchases promptly. When you begin providing evidence that you will pay for what you purchase, in a timely manner, companies want to extend you credit. With a good credit rating you can purchase a house or car, begin a business, fund college, etc. A good credit rating can be damaged by one incident of late payment or default. A bad credit rating can be reversed and will take time and patience but is WELL worth the effort. A poor example of fiscal responsibility belongs to one who never has enough money, never money when it is needed, constantly looking for the next dollar, always wanting, wanting, wanting. A GOOD example will include a savings account, there may not be much in it but the plan to save is in place, staying on time with credit payments, saying “no” when a purchase will over extend the budget, taking another job and being patient towards a large or desired purchase. Observe the behavior you want to exhibit and pattern your financial life accordingly. Build a good credit history and protect it.
Have hope. Hope is defined as ‘the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.’ Psychological studies of prisoners have proven that without HOPE the will to live or survive dies and generally the individual dies shortly after. Without hope there is no motivation to develop a skill, no need to have good credit, no desire to enjoy life, no need to be a productive member of society. You can hope in many things; yourself, country, government, popular figure, parents, God. Your hope in any one, or more, of these is that they will provide you with what you want in your community, society, life; you expect they can affect your life in a positive way and so you place your hope in them. Hope moves you forward when there is no evidence or reason to move. Hope keeps you trying through the dark of circumstances when there is no light at the end, hope helps a neighbor, lends a hand, makes you vote, keeps you working. Hope feeds the soul and without it your inner light expires. The Christian life is based on hope; Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” If you lack hope, or would like to be more hopeful, I would be happy to share more on this topic with you.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The god of Selfishness
In the midst of the negative news that abounds and the disintegration of relationships around us I began to wonder if we, as Christians, are as guided by the god of selfishness as the pagans. The pagans have no need to be ashamed of this possible truth but as Christians should we not be burying ourselves in sack cloth and ashes? 1 Corinthians 13:13 “and the greatest of these is love.” Given this truth would the greatest sin be selfishness?
From dictionary.com
love-noun 1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
Selfishness-adjective 1. Devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
Is there a sin that does not stem from selfishness; orgies, drunkenness, sexual immorality, debauchery, dissension, jealousy, greed, gossip, theft, murder, anger, lust? As a list these sins can seem very far removed from us. Put this list into our perspective. What about divorce because we cannot get over anger at our spouse. Our jealousy we carry because others can afford a bigger house, better car, expensive vacations. The lust we don’t control that pushes us into an affair. Gossip that destroys a friendship. Greed, that we justify with need, that causes us to steal money from the vending account or petty cash. The continual drunkenness on college campuses causes death due to alcohol poisoning. The debauchery that leads to embarrassing pictures posted on Facebook. Murder of an ex-girlfriend or family members because they didn’t do what we wanted.
How often have we sacrificed others on the altar of our selfishness? When have we chosen to show profound tenderness and passionate affection to another person IN FRONT OF our primary concern for our own benefit? I believe that God has placed in all of us the ability and desire to behave in love but selfishness is strong and difficult to battle, but it can be done.
Changing poor behavior (sinning less consciously) follows a process similar to the 12 step recovery program for addictions. Dr. Bob, a co-founder of AA characterized the 12 step recovery as "Trust God, clean house, help others." To begin to change selfish behavior (or any negative habits or behaviors) follow the same basic steps; recognize and admit your selfishness, pray and ask God to help you to change, examine past errors, make amends for these errors, begin living with a new code of behavior.
Recognizing bad behavior at the outset allows for you to implement change. The more vigilant you are towards identifying negative behavior the quicker you are to change the behavior and the easier it will be to overcome and reduce the occurrences of bad behavior.
Selfishness is rampant and seeing it in others often increases our own selfish behavior. Be an agent for change. Be the first to forgive, to turn the other cheek, to forget, to step aside for someone else or to be last . Be the first to love.
From dictionary.com
love-noun 1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
Selfishness-adjective 1. Devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
Is there a sin that does not stem from selfishness; orgies, drunkenness, sexual immorality, debauchery, dissension, jealousy, greed, gossip, theft, murder, anger, lust? As a list these sins can seem very far removed from us. Put this list into our perspective. What about divorce because we cannot get over anger at our spouse. Our jealousy we carry because others can afford a bigger house, better car, expensive vacations. The lust we don’t control that pushes us into an affair. Gossip that destroys a friendship. Greed, that we justify with need, that causes us to steal money from the vending account or petty cash. The continual drunkenness on college campuses causes death due to alcohol poisoning. The debauchery that leads to embarrassing pictures posted on Facebook. Murder of an ex-girlfriend or family members because they didn’t do what we wanted.
How often have we sacrificed others on the altar of our selfishness? When have we chosen to show profound tenderness and passionate affection to another person IN FRONT OF our primary concern for our own benefit? I believe that God has placed in all of us the ability and desire to behave in love but selfishness is strong and difficult to battle, but it can be done.
Changing poor behavior (sinning less consciously) follows a process similar to the 12 step recovery program for addictions. Dr. Bob, a co-founder of AA characterized the 12 step recovery as "Trust God, clean house, help others." To begin to change selfish behavior (or any negative habits or behaviors) follow the same basic steps; recognize and admit your selfishness, pray and ask God to help you to change, examine past errors, make amends for these errors, begin living with a new code of behavior.
Recognizing bad behavior at the outset allows for you to implement change. The more vigilant you are towards identifying negative behavior the quicker you are to change the behavior and the easier it will be to overcome and reduce the occurrences of bad behavior.
Selfishness is rampant and seeing it in others often increases our own selfish behavior. Be an agent for change. Be the first to forgive, to turn the other cheek, to forget, to step aside for someone else or to be last . Be the first to love.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Dating & Mating #3 - Unequal Yoking Equals a Rough Journey
In the never-ending American mating ritual the BIG PICTURE is often overlooked or ignored by couples inebriated with love. Frequently blinded by the intense joy of being someone else’s #1 individuals develop tunnel vision. Many of you can reflect on past relationships where you neglected to see the big picture, disregarded those who tried to make you see it and when you finally focused and saw the big picture promised yourself to be more observant the next time.
Many relationship issues fall within the “big picture” but here I want to focus on religious differences/religious upbringing between couples.
Individual spirituality, or personal religious beliefs, falls on a wide spectrum. Often if asked to explain our viewpoint we find it difficult to accurately express our beliefs. It is often so difficult that when we are dating/mating we are willing to put aside any obvious differences and let each be who they are. End of discussion…NOT! This particular item within the “big picture” will manifest itself in very real relationship problems, most often when the children arrive, if not sooner.
If you are one who has a strong, personal faith let your prayer be that God prepares and presents to you your mate. Be patient and obedient to that prayer by not dating anyone who does not share your strong faith. (Perhaps you believe God has called you to be Hosea to an irresistible Gomer. Carefully read how that relationship went and put out your fleece, Judges 6:36-40.)
We overlook the potential problems in our different family, religious backgrounds because, hey, we both believe in God. Coming to a mutual agreement on church attendance, religious education and personal faith requires a level of maturity and unselfishness that takes too much work especially in the glow of a budding relationship. The time WILL come when conflict will raise an ugly head and require attention to these issues. For the sake of your future happiness it is strongly recommended you do not overlook discussing these issues. The earlier in a relationship you have this discussion the stronger a foundation that relationship will enjoy or the sooner you are available to meet your God-given mate.
For those who have/will miss seeing the “big picture” all is not lost, but it WILL NOT be easy and happiness will come at a costly, personal price. Our selfish desires will feed the argument and cause problems but it is UNSELFISHNESS that will solve the disagreements and heal any wounds. 1 Peter 3:1-7 is the model you’ll both need.
Many relationship issues fall within the “big picture” but here I want to focus on religious differences/religious upbringing between couples.
Individual spirituality, or personal religious beliefs, falls on a wide spectrum. Often if asked to explain our viewpoint we find it difficult to accurately express our beliefs. It is often so difficult that when we are dating/mating we are willing to put aside any obvious differences and let each be who they are. End of discussion…NOT! This particular item within the “big picture” will manifest itself in very real relationship problems, most often when the children arrive, if not sooner.
If you are one who has a strong, personal faith let your prayer be that God prepares and presents to you your mate. Be patient and obedient to that prayer by not dating anyone who does not share your strong faith. (Perhaps you believe God has called you to be Hosea to an irresistible Gomer. Carefully read how that relationship went and put out your fleece, Judges 6:36-40.)
We overlook the potential problems in our different family, religious backgrounds because, hey, we both believe in God. Coming to a mutual agreement on church attendance, religious education and personal faith requires a level of maturity and unselfishness that takes too much work especially in the glow of a budding relationship. The time WILL come when conflict will raise an ugly head and require attention to these issues. For the sake of your future happiness it is strongly recommended you do not overlook discussing these issues. The earlier in a relationship you have this discussion the stronger a foundation that relationship will enjoy or the sooner you are available to meet your God-given mate.
For those who have/will miss seeing the “big picture” all is not lost, but it WILL NOT be easy and happiness will come at a costly, personal price. Our selfish desires will feed the argument and cause problems but it is UNSELFISHNESS that will solve the disagreements and heal any wounds. 1 Peter 3:1-7 is the model you’ll both need.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Dating & Mating #2 - Judging a Book By Its Cover
The saying goes, “Never judge a book by its cover.” This is wise advice because what is outside may not be a good representation of what is inside and yet this saying exists because WE DO judge the whole by what we SEE. This is very true of how we dress. Our clothing; the lack of it, the quantity of it, the style of it, the care of it speaks volumes. NOTICE: People come to the time when they want to be noticed positively at different times in their lives. If you are not there yet go ahead and read on you can file the information for when the time is right.
Here are some tips on how to give positive notice.
Everyone – We swim in a sea of black, white or tan. These colors are neutrals and have a place in every wardrobe but if you want to be noticed discover COLOR. Colors are separated between spring and summer or warm and cool. Colors with a yellow base are warm and colors with a blue base are cool. Individuals will look better in one or the other. Finding the color that compliments you makes a striking difference and will get you noticed. GET A HAIR STYLE. The length makes no difference, what this means is get a cut with some shape, use products such as gel, mousse, paste, de-frizzes , shine enhancer and/or a hair dryer, curling iron/brush, flat iron or hot rollers.
Guys- The age of internet allows no one the excuse, “I didn’t know.” On your laptop, in a quiet corner of the coffee bar watch episodes of, “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” If you are ready to get noticed follow any of their tips. You don’t need a new wardrobe if you train your eye for the cut that works best for your body type and have clothes that fit. NO MATTER what your size you can look good and get noticed. If you need help shopping take a female (or a male friend who understands style) that you trust. Your mother is good if she has style but otherwise pass her up (this includes a girl you want to impress) because you’ll purchase to please them versus being honest with your opinion. Essentials for you include jackets; leather, corduroy and tweed, etc. Shoes that include, but are not limited to, tennis type shoes. Shirts that have collars and button up and include some natural fibers.
Girls- If you are not a fan of “What Not To Wear”, (available on the internet) become one. They do an excellent job of training your eye to find the style and cut that will showcase ANY body style. I speak from experience. Some standards for the woman who wants to be noticed: learn to use jewelry and shoes successfully as accessories. You don’t need the $5000 new wardrobe. Comb through your current closet and then add with sale items. Never pass up a shoe sale (I used to have 6 pairs of shoes, blue, black, off white in both flats and pumps..period.) Heels make us walk with confidence. Start small if heels intimidate you but they make our back side and walk worth looking at. Use make up and use it correctly. (#1 mistake) Wear the cut of jean that flatters your body. If it fits it will be as comfortable as your ratty jeans and you’ll be noticed.
The Psychology- When we think we look good we carry an air of confidence that is attractive. When we don’t know how to dress our body style we often hide behind the attitude of, “If they don’t like me as I am that’s their problem,” what we show is that we don’t like ourselves….and that is unattractive. Look good for yourself. It takes a bit more time in the morning but once you learn how easy it is to do with the proper tools you’ll be confident and others will notice that confidence.
Here are some tips on how to give positive notice.
Everyone – We swim in a sea of black, white or tan. These colors are neutrals and have a place in every wardrobe but if you want to be noticed discover COLOR. Colors are separated between spring and summer or warm and cool. Colors with a yellow base are warm and colors with a blue base are cool. Individuals will look better in one or the other. Finding the color that compliments you makes a striking difference and will get you noticed. GET A HAIR STYLE. The length makes no difference, what this means is get a cut with some shape, use products such as gel, mousse, paste, de-frizzes , shine enhancer and/or a hair dryer, curling iron/brush, flat iron or hot rollers.
Guys- The age of internet allows no one the excuse, “I didn’t know.” On your laptop, in a quiet corner of the coffee bar watch episodes of, “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” If you are ready to get noticed follow any of their tips. You don’t need a new wardrobe if you train your eye for the cut that works best for your body type and have clothes that fit. NO MATTER what your size you can look good and get noticed. If you need help shopping take a female (or a male friend who understands style) that you trust. Your mother is good if she has style but otherwise pass her up (this includes a girl you want to impress) because you’ll purchase to please them versus being honest with your opinion. Essentials for you include jackets; leather, corduroy and tweed, etc. Shoes that include, but are not limited to, tennis type shoes. Shirts that have collars and button up and include some natural fibers.
Girls- If you are not a fan of “What Not To Wear”, (available on the internet) become one. They do an excellent job of training your eye to find the style and cut that will showcase ANY body style. I speak from experience. Some standards for the woman who wants to be noticed: learn to use jewelry and shoes successfully as accessories. You don’t need the $5000 new wardrobe. Comb through your current closet and then add with sale items. Never pass up a shoe sale (I used to have 6 pairs of shoes, blue, black, off white in both flats and pumps..period.) Heels make us walk with confidence. Start small if heels intimidate you but they make our back side and walk worth looking at. Use make up and use it correctly. (#1 mistake) Wear the cut of jean that flatters your body. If it fits it will be as comfortable as your ratty jeans and you’ll be noticed.
The Psychology- When we think we look good we carry an air of confidence that is attractive. When we don’t know how to dress our body style we often hide behind the attitude of, “If they don’t like me as I am that’s their problem,” what we show is that we don’t like ourselves….and that is unattractive. Look good for yourself. It takes a bit more time in the morning but once you learn how easy it is to do with the proper tools you’ll be confident and others will notice that confidence.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Valentine Gift Tips
Valentine’s Day is around the corner and for those who are still undecided about a gift let me give you a few tips.
Guys - Girls don't need a lot of money spent and, contrary to diamond commercials, they are not always expecting expensive jewelry. Just as appreciated, and possibly more memorable, is the unexpected. The sacker at the grocery said he was taking his girl to McDonalds because she said she didn't care. This is fine but do the unexpected by bringing valentine cookies or cupcakes for dessert. Girls like the entire array of valentine knick knacks such as the red and heart decorated or shaped things that are found in every Wal-Mart or Walgreens. Put together school supplies like a heart pencil, pens and a notebook; give her a picture of yourself or you together in a heart shaped frame, buy a Valentine stuffed animal and attach a personal note, a Valentine card (always appropriate) with a note setting a date for coffee or a movie. These small unexpected gestures, (doing something small is better than nothing at all) can be more memorable than the routine but expensive gifts.
Girls – Most guys are not into the Valentine knick knacks, or anything that decorates (some team items excepted) so don’t waste your money and then be disappointed at his lack of enthusiasm. Women often make the mistake of giving gifts THEY would like and for a girlfriend or your mother that works. The memorable gift for men takes observance and tuning in to what they enjoy. If he is a gamer a subscription to Game Informer, the latest game for his system (chances are he was talking about it with his friends) or gift certificate to Game Stop. If there is a sport that he enjoys (even if you don’t) get him tickets and let him take a friend. A favorite team, get him a team shirt or other team embossed paraphernalia. The only acceptable gift for you/for him is lingerie. Girls often like this idea but are not committed to the continual gift giving this implies and will generate. Using this as a “teaser” gift is inconsiderate and harmful to a relationship. I highly recommend this only to the MARRIED girls who are buying lingerie with a full understanding and commitment to the gift. (I’ll provide further insight to this topic for those who inquire.)
For Everyone – Quality time is a perfect gift but it takes a mature and thoughtful giver. Think of your Valentine and the things they like to do. If you roll your eyes at the thought of some activities and think, ‘I so don’t understand their interest.’ This is a great quality time gift. In any relationship for a giver to participate in an activity, willingly and with enthusiasm, that does not necessarily interest them for the enjoyment of another is truly an expression of God’s love and theirs. If you cannot give willingly and enthusiastically of yourself skip this idea, it will be a disaster.
Guys - Girls don't need a lot of money spent and, contrary to diamond commercials, they are not always expecting expensive jewelry. Just as appreciated, and possibly more memorable, is the unexpected. The sacker at the grocery said he was taking his girl to McDonalds because she said she didn't care. This is fine but do the unexpected by bringing valentine cookies or cupcakes for dessert. Girls like the entire array of valentine knick knacks such as the red and heart decorated or shaped things that are found in every Wal-Mart or Walgreens. Put together school supplies like a heart pencil, pens and a notebook; give her a picture of yourself or you together in a heart shaped frame, buy a Valentine stuffed animal and attach a personal note, a Valentine card (always appropriate) with a note setting a date for coffee or a movie. These small unexpected gestures, (doing something small is better than nothing at all) can be more memorable than the routine but expensive gifts.
Girls – Most guys are not into the Valentine knick knacks, or anything that decorates (some team items excepted) so don’t waste your money and then be disappointed at his lack of enthusiasm. Women often make the mistake of giving gifts THEY would like and for a girlfriend or your mother that works. The memorable gift for men takes observance and tuning in to what they enjoy. If he is a gamer a subscription to Game Informer, the latest game for his system (chances are he was talking about it with his friends) or gift certificate to Game Stop. If there is a sport that he enjoys (even if you don’t) get him tickets and let him take a friend. A favorite team, get him a team shirt or other team embossed paraphernalia. The only acceptable gift for you/for him is lingerie. Girls often like this idea but are not committed to the continual gift giving this implies and will generate. Using this as a “teaser” gift is inconsiderate and harmful to a relationship. I highly recommend this only to the MARRIED girls who are buying lingerie with a full understanding and commitment to the gift. (I’ll provide further insight to this topic for those who inquire.)
For Everyone – Quality time is a perfect gift but it takes a mature and thoughtful giver. Think of your Valentine and the things they like to do. If you roll your eyes at the thought of some activities and think, ‘I so don’t understand their interest.’ This is a great quality time gift. In any relationship for a giver to participate in an activity, willingly and with enthusiasm, that does not necessarily interest them for the enjoyment of another is truly an expression of God’s love and theirs. If you cannot give willingly and enthusiastically of yourself skip this idea, it will be a disaster.
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