When Death Plans to Visit

David and I have entered that season when we are taking care of aging parents. Although they are light hearted about having 'one foot in the grave' death is close enough that we have discussed, or are discussing, what is to be done during, and at, their final stage of life. As we are watching these loved ones slow down and their bodies give in to the inevitable the natural inclination is to review their life. This brings revelation, consideration and insight.

As health issues are often what brings death close we take a look at inherited maladies and the cause and effect of good vs. bad choices. Heart disease and diabetes are all encompassing and expensive. Better choices about eating, exercise, stress levels and sleep patterns at any age are documented to make a difference. When you are young you diet and exercise to look good to others. At mid-age we try diet and exercise, again, because we’ve seen too many medications and not enough energy to get outside.

 

Finances are what decide what level of health care you will receive and, be well aware, there are many levels. Having poor health due to bad choices will reduce any financial situation to ‘limited’ very quickly. Having good health still puts you in poor conditions if you have not financially planned for a time when physically your body will not labor daily. You need to prepare for medical science to keep you alive longer than you expect or desire. Having a place to live that is paid for will be your greatest advantage when you begin to live on a limited income. Expecting to die before financial hardship settles in is NOT a plan.

Relationship skills, or your lack of, are spot lighted in your twilight years. Consequences generated from decisions made concerning family relations throughout your life come home to roost. If you didn’t have time for your children or take care of their needs when they were young don’t be surprised that they will not have time to take care of your needs when you are old. Be the parent, grandparent, sister, brother, Aunt, Uncle, cousin and/or friend you would like to have and you’ll always have someone to sit beside you.

Faith will bring you peace. Where you will go when death comes for you becomes very important when death plans a visit. It is human nature to be afraid of the unknown especially with the possibility of Hell existing soon to be revealed. I fear the overwhelming sadness of the absence of a loved one even when I am certain they will be waiting for me in heaven. That emptiness can be a wide expanse. For myself I find great comfort in Proverbs 3:24” When you lie down, you will not be afraid; you will lie down, and your sleep will be pleasant.” I know that when death comes for me I will be going home to heaven. I want to spend as much time as I can with those I love here on earth but I look forward to the day Christ takes me home.

So what are we doing? Trying once again to eat right, get more exercise and participate in a wellness program. Working, saving and investing wisely for what we anticipate our needs will be when our income becomes limited. Demonstrating love and care for those who will be needed to care for us. Above all else: nurturing our spiritual life so we may be about the work of the kingdom here on earth, experience peace in our passing and hear “well done good and faithful servant…,” Matt. 25:21 upon our arrival home.

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Dating & Mating #4: Keeping Relationships Alive

It is not breaking news that we, as humans, are relationship challenged. We have few, walking, breathing, models of a “good marriage” that we can observe either personally, in our family circles, in our communities, nationally or worldwide. Lots of factors play into the death of a relationship. I want to address those benign breakups that blame factors like “irreconcilable differences” as the cause. Those breakups where both parties hold equal share in the unaddressed problems and agree that it is more effort to stay together than it is to (attempt) to sever all connections.

In these breakups selfishness is the cause, short-sightedness is the motivator and lack of communication is the driving force. In 1977 Robert J. Ringer published his book “Looking Out for #1”. He created a title that turned into a mantra and was absorbed into our culture thus providing a socially acceptable excuse for seeking our own pleasures at the cost of all others.

We need little reason to be selfish; it is part of our inherent nature. Self-less-ness is what makes a life in Christ so outstanding and yet so difficult to maintain. To be self-less takes conscious thought and effort because it is not our idea, not what we want or what would make us most happy or our point of view. Being self-less is being obedient to the commands of; love one another, do to others as you would have them do to you, love your neighbor as yourself. Being self-less is putting others first, it is looking out for numbers 2,3,4…; it is a joy you realize only when you are.

In our selfish desires we become short-sighted. We want what will make us feel good ASAP giving no thought to what the consequences may be in the long run. Not thinking that supporting two households is more expensive than keeping one together. Not seeing beyond “I cannot stand this another minute” but a year later you sit alone yet another night. Someone young makes you feel young but six months later you realize you have so little in common. Our pain, our frustration, our fears are so large, so immediate that only instant action will salve, solve, or soothe us. We’ll deal with the fallout later no matter the cost.

Short-sightedness leads us to stop talking. If we don’t communicate we can’t argue, disagree or hurt. Once you shut your mouth to suffer in silence you begin construction on the wall that will separate you from them, the pain, the situation and the solution. Healthy arguments resolved are substantially better than icy silence. If concerns are not given a voice there can be no understanding only conjecture and speculation. NO ONE is a mind reader and expecting them to be is your fault alone.

The cure for a hurt, damaged, broken relationship is forgiveness. To forgive is to grant pardon; absolve; to cease to feel resentment against. Forgiveness is something we want desperately to be given but give so reluctantly or not at all. To forgive goes hand in hand with self-less-ness. As Christians we are called to forgive simply because we have been forgiven: Col. 3:13, Luke 6:37, Matt 6:14-15. Forgiveness will heal those you give it to and most importantly it will heal you. It takes practice, and many times, great effort to forgive but it is a skill that should be honed at all costs because if you do not it will cost you.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:14,15

Health of Your Spiritual Heart

I work at a church and of late have had multiple discussions on the seemingly lethargic attitude of the average church member. This observation is neither new nor singular to my group but it washes across those who seek daily to add to the kingdom of God and minister to humanity. Everyone has an opinion and here is mine. The health of the individual spiritual heart reflects the spiritual attitude. Active or lethargic, or somewhere in between, your spiritual heart health can be observed in your displayed existence.

This is not the question of being ‘saved’ versus ‘lost’ nor being’ fruitful’ as a result of a mature Christian. All those who have accepted Christ as their savior have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit; John 14:1 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. Similar to other analogies of a maturing Christian I would suggest that our spiritual heart, that which only God and we truly realize, fluctuates in health with the choices we make and the deeds we do. Though no one can see our spiritual heart its health can often times be sharply displayed by our actions or the means of our existence. Luke 6:45, The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

As we age, grow and change our life and spiritual life are affected by our choices and circumstances. To mature as a disciple of Christ our choices and circumstances will have purpose and meaning and we will be more than a reed pushed around by the wind. It would seem the lethargic Christian may accept Christ as their savior but not as the author of their life story. An unhealthy heart receives an infusion upon acceptance of Christ into our lives and then fluctuates within the average to ordinary range as is evident by what we say, the choices we make and how we exist.

What does your life indicate the health of your spiritual heart is? Do you live in average but spike towards extraordinary or live in mediocre and dip towards unhealthy? We are the only ones that know the true condition of our spiritual heart but the world is often given more than a glimpse at the true condition: the angry hand signals while driving, our time at the food bank, the small, unknown indiscretions at work, at night, out with friends, our years as a mentor, our nasty comments to the cashier, our trip to help disaster victims.

We fluctuate with circumstances and the choices we make. As we mature in our walk with Christ and allow Him to be the author of our life story we begin a regular fluctuation between ordinary, extraordinary and astonishing. Donald S. Whitney is author of one of many spiritual resources with his book Ten Questions to Diagnose Your Spiritual Health. Those questions are: Do you thirst for God? Are you governed increasingly by God’s word? Are you more loving? Are you more sensitive to God’s presence? Do you have a growing concern for the spiritual and temporal needs of others? Do you delight in the Bride of Christ? Are the spiritual disciplines increasingly important to you? Do you still grieve over sin? Are you a quicker forgiver? Do you yearn for heaven and to be with Jesus?

Make the determined effort to take the steps towards spiritual maturity and let your heart live spiritually between extraordinary and astonishing.

What Are You Known For?

“You need look no further for any man’s god than where he derives his identity.”Beth Moore

Actions speak louder than words. A picture is worth a thousand words. Ask a friend and a general acquaintance to describe you as though to someone else. Do they describe your actions as well as your attributes? Did they list what you like to do or what they’ve seen you do? From their words can you determine what you are KNOWN for? “She goes skiing every weekend and makes one trip a season to Colorado. She has so much ski equipment she can’t park her car in the garage….” “He collects baseball cards, he has gone to every major league game and he has a team jacket he wears all the time….” What are you known for?

Listen to how people are described to you. “He’s a great guy but he likes to smoke cigars, a little too much.” “She can be fun but don’t tell her anything you don’t want spread around.” “He gets things done but he can be really pushy if you want to make any changes.” We rarely hear the “but….” part of those statements describing us but you can figure out that part by analyzing your public image. What are in the pictures you post on Face book, My Space, your blog? Is there a similar theme running through most of them? What symbols, pictures or posters decorate your living space? Where do you spend your free time, with who and doing what?

Nobody is perfect and your friends are friends because they like you in spite of your negative aspects but you may want to take occasional assessment of “what you’re known for” in the general acquaintance circles of your life. What you find may embarrass you enough to make a change. The extreme is “Girls Gone Wild” but that behavior in varying levels on a regular to semi-regular basis, for anyone, says the same thing. You may be known as; high maintenance, a gossip, untrustworthy, self centered, snotty, too full of yourself, arrogant, a princess, god’s gift to women. The average individual wants to be seen in a positive light and is generally surprised to note they carry a negative label.

I was ‘inadvertently’ informed that I was a gossip and therefore untrustworthy. Upon further reflection, once the shock subsided, I realized this was a correct label because I enjoyed being the first to deliver “juicy” information about friends and acquaintances alike. When it was revealed to me that friends were not sharing with me BECAUSE I was untrustworthy I was hurt but even more embarrassed. I set out to change that perception of me which could only be accomplished by NOT gossiping. There is always someone willing to attach a negative adjective but, for me, a gossip and untrustworthy of a confidence is no longer among them. I want to be known for; always smiling, being friendly, having a positive attitude, laughing often, enjoying life, loving people and representing Christ as He calls us to. This only happens if I do these things. What do you do? What are you known for? What do you WANT to be known for?

"Acquiring accurate self-knowledge, which is impossible without the illumination of the Holy Spirit, is absolutely necessary if we are to recognize the perversity through which we stumble." Christianity Today editorial Self-Examination Time.

A Good Life Guaranteed: Skill, Credit, Hope

In a country that provides endless possibilities and free public education there is a basis on which you can be guaranteed a good life. This is a base. There are innumerable additions to ensure a happy life, fruitful life, secure life, purpose driven life, etc. but these three things, with no other efforts, motivations or requirements will see you through a good life.

Have a skill. This is best decided early in life when there is more time, choices and fewer commitments on you personally. This skill can be developed in many different ways. Not everyone is college bound but if you are get good grades in high school because they equal money in college. Many high schools offer tech classes and/or opportunities to apprentice in the field such as mechanics, drafting, construction, beauty school to name a few. There are many technical schools offering two year programs for; medical lab specialists, x-ray or records, blood banks, legal assistants computers etc. If schooling isn’t for you find an area of interest and be willing to start at the bottom and work your way up. The McDonalds Restaurant Corporation has its own Hamburger University for manager trainees; United Supermarkets have baggers who worked their way up through Dairy, Produce and upward to store manager. In a country with endless possibilities develop a skill that will assure you a steady income.

Create and maintain a good credit rating. Credit is the economic merry-go-round and a good credit rating is the fee to ride. Begin a credit history by obtaining a loan or credit card and paying off the loan or purchases promptly. When you begin providing evidence that you will pay for what you purchase, in a timely manner, companies want to extend you credit. With a good credit rating you can purchase a house or car, begin a business, fund college, etc. A good credit rating can be damaged by one incident of late payment or default. A bad credit rating can be reversed and will take time and patience but is WELL worth the effort. A poor example of fiscal responsibility belongs to one who never has enough money, never money when it is needed, constantly looking for the next dollar, always wanting, wanting, wanting. A GOOD example will include a savings account, there may not be much in it but the plan to save is in place, staying on time with credit payments, saying “no” when a purchase will over extend the budget, taking another job and being patient towards a large or desired purchase. Observe the behavior you want to exhibit and pattern your financial life accordingly. Build a good credit history and protect it.

Have hope. Hope is defined as ‘the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.’ Psychological studies of prisoners have proven that without HOPE the will to live or survive dies and generally the individual dies shortly after. Without hope there is no motivation to develop a skill, no need to have good credit, no desire to enjoy life, no need to be a productive member of society. You can hope in many things; yourself, country, government, popular figure, parents, God. Your hope in any one, or more, of these is that they will provide you with what you want in your community, society, life; you expect they can affect your life in a positive way and so you place your hope in them. Hope moves you forward when there is no evidence or reason to move. Hope keeps you trying through the dark of circumstances when there is no light at the end, hope helps a neighbor, lends a hand, makes you vote, keeps you working. Hope feeds the soul and without it your inner light expires. The Christian life is based on hope; Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” If you lack hope, or would like to be more hopeful, I would be happy to share more on this topic with you.

The god of Selfishness

In the midst of the negative news that abounds and the disintegration of relationships around us I began to wonder if we, as Christians, are as guided by the god of selfishness as the pagans. The pagans have no need to be ashamed of this possible truth but as Christians should we not be burying ourselves in sack cloth and ashes? 1 Corinthians 13:13 “and the greatest of these is love.” Given this truth would the greatest sin be selfishness?

From dictionary.com

love-noun 1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

Selfishness-adjective 1. Devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

Is there a sin that does not stem from selfishness; orgies, drunkenness, sexual immorality, debauchery, dissension, jealousy, greed, gossip, theft, murder, anger, lust? As a list these sins can seem very far removed from us. Put this list into our perspective. What about divorce because we cannot get over anger at our spouse. Our jealousy we carry because others can afford a bigger house, better car, expensive vacations. The lust we don’t control that pushes us into an affair. Gossip that destroys a friendship. Greed, that we justify with need, that causes us to steal money from the vending account or petty cash. The continual drunkenness on college campuses causes death due to alcohol poisoning. The debauchery that leads to embarrassing pictures posted on Facebook. Murder of an ex-girlfriend or family members because they didn’t do what we wanted.

How often have we sacrificed others on the altar of our selfishness? When have we chosen to show profound tenderness and passionate affection to another person IN FRONT OF our primary concern for our own benefit? I believe that God has placed in all of us the ability and desire to behave in love but selfishness is strong and difficult to battle, but it can be done.

Changing poor behavior (sinning less consciously) follows a process similar to the 12 step recovery program for addictions. Dr. Bob, a co-founder of AA characterized the 12 step recovery as "Trust God, clean house, help others." To begin to change selfish behavior (or any negative habits or behaviors) follow the same basic steps; recognize and admit your selfishness, pray and ask God to help you to change, examine past errors, make amends for these errors, begin living with a new code of behavior.

Recognizing bad behavior at the outset allows for you to implement change. The more vigilant you are towards identifying negative behavior the quicker you are to change the behavior and the easier it will be to overcome and reduce the occurrences of bad behavior.

Selfishness is rampant and seeing it in others often increases our own selfish behavior. Be an agent for change. Be the first to forgive, to turn the other cheek, to forget, to step aside for someone else or to be last . Be the first to love.

Dating & Mating #3 - Unequal Yoking Equals a Rough Journey

In the never-ending American mating ritual the BIG PICTURE is often overlooked or ignored by couples inebriated with love. Frequently blinded by the intense joy of being someone else’s #1 individuals develop tunnel vision. Many of you can reflect on past relationships where you neglected to see the big picture, disregarded those who tried to make you see it and when you finally focused and saw the big picture promised yourself to be more observant the next time.
Many relationship issues fall within the “big picture” but here I want to focus on religious differences/religious upbringing between couples.

Individual spirituality, or personal religious beliefs, falls on a wide spectrum. Often if asked to explain our viewpoint we find it difficult to accurately express our beliefs. It is often so difficult that when we are dating/mating we are willing to put aside any obvious differences and let each be who they are. End of discussion…NOT! This particular item within the “big picture” will manifest itself in very real relationship problems, most often when the children arrive, if not sooner.

If you are one who has a strong, personal faith let your prayer be that God prepares and presents to you your mate. Be patient and obedient to that prayer by not dating anyone who does not share your strong faith. (Perhaps you believe God has called you to be Hosea to an irresistible Gomer. Carefully read how that relationship went and put out your fleece, Judges 6:36-40.)

We overlook the potential problems in our different family, religious backgrounds because, hey, we both believe in God. Coming to a mutual agreement on church attendance, religious education and personal faith requires a level of maturity and unselfishness that takes too much work especially in the glow of a budding relationship. The time WILL come when conflict will raise an ugly head and require attention to these issues. For the sake of your future happiness it is strongly recommended you do not overlook discussing these issues. The earlier in a relationship you have this discussion the stronger a foundation that relationship will enjoy or the sooner you are available to meet your God-given mate.

For those who have/will miss seeing the “big picture” all is not lost, but it WILL NOT be easy and happiness will come at a costly, personal price. Our selfish desires will feed the argument and cause problems but it is UNSELFISHNESS that will solve the disagreements and heal any wounds. 1 Peter 3:1-7 is the model you’ll both need.