Dating & Mating #7: Leave the Excess Baggage

We all carry emotional baggage.  The journey through childhood cannot be made without bags and adult life is a series of picking up extras.  When starting a new relationship the healthiest thing you can do for yourself, and the future of a new relationship, is to shed excess baggage.  If you cannot shed it then claim it, up front.  Be honest and forthright and explain to your new #1 what it is you are hauling around.

Excess baggage is most often packed with unmet expectations and unresolved anger brought on by thoughtless behavior and bad decisions; either our own or someone elses. Some bags are much larger than others but all of them are heavy and all of them, unless sat down, will adversely affect a relationship. Long term dating will eventually reveal excess baggage initially detectable through red flags.

Men and women carry their baggage differently. 

Women are generally more open and free with their emotions.  They expect friends, male and female alike, to be able to read their expressions and non-verbal signals accurately.  They are more willing to take, and abuse, prescribed medications.  Women will quietly and slowly allow their anger to turn into bitterness.

Men are much less likely to share their emotions and use a brooding silence as their primary, non-verbal signal.  In order to carry the heavy baggage men tend towards self-medication with alcohol, drugs and irresponsible sex.  Anger is expressed in outbursts that can be violent and destructive.

Few want to introduce their excess baggage because we THINK it will be a deal breaker.  If they know they won't like me.  If your baggage is a deal breaker your partner has a right to know before entering a committed relationship.  You are wrong to withhold information and you lose trust if they find out from anyone else but you.

You have only your baggage to lose.

Excess baggage should be resolved for your own good but especially for the good of ALL your relationships.  Help begins by asking for it.  Start with this book: Making Love Last Forever and then begin a study on the concept of forgiveness. 

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usmarkerboard.com

Friday Forum Catch Up

Several Fridays have passed, time to catch up on our product endorsement and coffee recommendations.  I made the trip to Austin recently and planned a stop at H.E.B. grocers to pick up A Taste of Houston, A Taste of San Antonio (this is a favorite) and Texas Pecan, all from the H.E.B. Cafe 'Ole coffee brand.  While in Austin we ate at the Magnolia Cafe and their coffee was so exceptional we made the trip across town to the supplier, Trianon Coffee, and purchased a pound of their Magnolia blend to share with the Friday Forum.

On the coffee front our Forum received approval to purchase a new brewing system which was installed and has made all the difference in brewed coffee flavor.  It is important that your coffee brews at the correct temperature, with good water, into a clean pot.  Thanks to those in charge for bringing the office coffee brewing system up to speed.

V. has been steadfast in providing yummy new samples to try and the Forum has spoken. 

N. says: Keebler Wheatables Nut Crisps Crunchy Cashew Crackers (that’s a mouthful of a name!)
These are delicious – perfect for when you come home from work a bit hungry and dinner is still 2 hours away. We’ve bought 3 boxes since trying.
Popcorn Indiana Kettlecorn Sugar and Cinnamon – light, crunchy, tasty; would be great for a party
World Table Dutch Caramel Cookies – I was massively unimpressed with these dry, slightly unpleasant tasting cookies.

C. remarked on the Kettlecorn:  Yummy!! How many calories?

E. declares: “Love the kettlecorn! It is light and not too sweet. Perfect balance of sugar and cinnamon.” Along with M.M.: The popcorn was surprisingly good. Very rarely do I like to eat it but I actually enjoyed it!

And V. herself thought:

BLUE BUNNY Red Velvet Ice Cream … best specialty cake ‘infused’ ice cream out there. And despite the fact that Ben and Jerry’s (premium ice cream compared to Blue Bunny) also has a limited edition of Red Velvet Cake ice cream out right now, they don’t hold a candle to the Duff Goldman ‘Ace of Cakes’ inspired BLUE BUNNY version!

 Ritz Brown Sugar and Cinnamon … not sweet enough to stave off an attack of the ‘I need something sweet, and now’ moments. Very lightly sugared, and I couldn’t find anything to top one with that did anything for me …. Seems more suited to the recipes on the back of the box.

World Trade Dutch caramel cookies … look thin and VERY sweet, but not so. Really nice with my Saturday morning coffee.

Cinnamon; Sugar Kettlecorn by Popcorn Indiana … although you expect it to be kettle corn sweet, it’s not!! First thing you notice is obviously the light sweet taste and cinnamon, but you are also able to taste a hint of butter/salt in the background … it’s a beautiful thing!!

M added: The kettlecorn was light and satisfying…and nice that it is already popped. Convenient and satisfying.
Red velvet ice cream was yummylicious and would be dangerous to have in my fridge.

Here's hoping your Friday's are a pleasant experience.

Photo from:
bs-opinions.blogspot.com
iwanttobakefree.blogspot.com

I'm 50 Years Old!

This Sunday, August 28th, I will turn 50 years old. 

In my mind I look only 42 but age is in the eye of the beholder.  This was made abundantly clear as the clerk at the clothing store asked if I would like to join their Tuesday Club for those 55 years and older.

I am not dismayed as I've always been one to embrace my age, a true believer that this is the first day of the rest of my life. 

It has been a great day here in the office where my peeps (of the Friday Forum) have gone above and beyond to help me celebrate this milestone.  A big THANK YOU for your love, friendship and appreciation of my goofy-ness!

Thanks to cousin Jenny for posting this video several months back.  I copied it over to save for today because this is EXACTLY how I feel.

Happy Birthday to anyone who shares this day, may you be as blessed as I am.

Pictures from:

updatesfromthefield.wordpress.com

derwent6.blogspot.com



I Am Not the First Nor Will I Be the Last

Your unique insight into a common experience makes that experience a one and only, personal high/low, emotional tornado that you alone live through . . . along with everyone else.

D. and I joined thousands of other parents as we moved our student into his new home, in the dorm, for the next school year . . ., nine months . . ., six hours . . , away.

Although my anticipation for the weekend was one of dread the move-in went very smoothly.  The staff at the dorm facility was well versed, well organized and well placed throughout the building to move the dolly's, boxes and bodies along.  This was not their first rodeo.

The area meant to accommodate two, full grown, young men and their; computers, multiple screens, guitars, speakers, clothes, electronics and personal items is small but adequate.  Math classes were put to the test as measurements were taken, schematics were drawn and redrawn, furniture moved and moved again.  The final configuration given approval by both parties, beds made, computers set up and clothes hung.  Home sweet home.

One more meal together, pictures taken and a final hug that has to last me until Parent's Weekend.

There's nothing left but to represent.

Pictures by:
collegebedlofts.com
blog.manhattanministorage.com
desitub.com

Bring On the Rain

We have been in drought conditions for the summer here in the Panhandle of Texas.  I know many others have also been suffering under the extreme heat.  Our backyard looks distressed from it's lovely condition when I posted a Spring Teaser. 

Tonight we FINALLY got some rain and that is worth sharing.  Praying the weather where you are is what you need.

Messages

I love words; reading them and writing them, molding them to pass information or to be funny or to convey the wonder of a moment.  I love using words to share wisdom, spread joy or cause a smile.

I also love reading the creative use of words others have crafted including, but not limited to; greeting cards, novels, articles, jokes, a text or a tweet.  I especially love the creativity of personal notes that string together common alphabetic characters resulting in wordsmith magic. 

Receiving a personal note in the mail is a true treasure.  Mailing a personal letter is now considered using 'snail mail' and is fast becoming obsolete, being usurped by e-mail.  I am of an age to have mailed many messages and received enough to have a collection of envelopes with stamps.  I believe that now, a stamped letter in the box creates it's own bit of magic.

Texting and tweeting is the current mode of word transportation.  The popularity of these electronic messaging systems has opened up the world of wordsmithing in under 50 characters.  I love texting and embrace it wholeheartedly but that does not diminish my appreciation for the short, but oh so poignant, message found on the floral card.

What adults heart does not melt at the receipt of a home-made sentiment from a child?

Recently my son graduated from high school and he received many messages in the time honored manner of Graduation Cards.  Friends and relatives penned kind and encouraging words about this milestone in his life.  Giving cards provides the opportunity to pen a message with particular elegance or meaning.  Uncle R. penned a thoughtful expression that is timeless and appropriate, not only for L, but for us all. 

"Always remember your high calling; love God, love others and find a way in your education process to serve the world."

Have you received, or possibly penned, a particularly elegant and meaningful message you can share? 

pictures from:
faithwriters.com
mailboxess.com
biojobblog.com

Dating and Mating #6: Red Flags & Deal Breakers

The beginning of a relationship is full of flushed and positive emotions.  It is almost scary the wonder we can feel towards someone else.  Our new found #1 seems to have nothing that we don't like or won't put up with.  In the standard dating game these feelings eventually begin to subside and the reality of this new person becomes clearer. 

Red Flag - If in a month of steady dating your friends start to question some behaviors of your new #1 and you find yourself annoyed with them or begin to isolate yourself from them, you need to look inward as there may be an unhealthy reason you are willing to ignore negative tendencies.  This is especially true of individuals who connect with, and stay in, abusive relationships.

Everyone has positive and negative behaviors, even you.  You will NEVER find someone that does not, or will not, annoy you with what they do, think or how they act.  You will at some time annoy them too.  This is fact.  What becomes important is watching for Red Flag behaviors; can you live with them or will those Red Flags become a Deal Breaker.

Red Flags are those bothersome behaviors that you don't do or are not used to.  They are generally considered small annoyances but once in a committed relationship where the BIG differences of finances and child rearing must be addressed, it will be the small annoyances such as; toilet paper, over or under, toothpaste, squeeze or roll up, clothes hamper or corner of the room, shoe rack or in the hall.  These small things will be the straw that breaks the relationship-camel's back.

Deal Breakers are subjects that need to be addressed BEFORE you commit to a relationship.  Young relationships tend to avoid these hard topics because disagreement is likely and no one wants an argument.  You do yourself, as well as your potential partner, a disservice by not discussing issues most important to you.  Important topics such as; how many children, child rearing practices, who's career is primary, moving, religious views, commitments to aging parents.

Close friends and family members see your relationship from a different perspective.  Listen, and hear, what they are saying.  Try to see what they see.  A Red Flag may illuminate a Deal Breaker that can save both of you precious time and heartache.

If you are already in a committed relationship and having difficulty keep in mind selfishness is what causes and perpetuates many of these issues.  Forgiveness is the only sure way of finding lasting happiness. 

These books are a good investment for everybody.  Making Love Last and  Please Understand Me.

pictures from:
themanifesto.ca
s610.photobucket.com
printactivities.com