Friday, July 29, 2011
Dating and Mating #6: Red Flags & Deal Breakers
Red Flag - If in a month of steady dating your friends start to question some behaviors of your new #1 and you find yourself annoyed with them or begin to isolate yourself from them, you need to look inward as there may be an unhealthy reason you are willing to ignore negative tendencies. This is especially true of individuals who connect with, and stay in, abusive relationships.
Everyone has positive and negative behaviors, even you. You will NEVER find someone that does not, or will not, annoy you with what they do, think or how they act. You will at some time annoy them too. This is fact. What becomes important is watching for Red Flag behaviors; can you live with them or will those Red Flags become a Deal Breaker.
Red Flags are those bothersome behaviors that you don't do or are not used to. They are generally considered small annoyances but once in a committed relationship where the BIG differences of finances and child rearing must be addressed, it will be the small annoyances such as; toilet paper, over or under, toothpaste, squeeze or roll up, clothes hamper or corner of the room, shoe rack or in the hall. These small things will be the straw that breaks the relationship-camel's back.
Deal Breakers are subjects that need to be addressed BEFORE you commit to a relationship. Young relationships tend to avoid these hard topics because disagreement is likely and no one wants an argument. You do yourself, as well as your potential partner, a disservice by not discussing issues most important to you. Important topics such as; how many children, child rearing practices, who's career is primary, moving, religious views, commitments to aging parents.
Close friends and family members see your relationship from a different perspective. Listen, and hear, what they are saying. Try to see what they see. A Red Flag may illuminate a Deal Breaker that can save both of you precious time and heartache.
If you are already in a committed relationship and having difficulty keep in mind selfishness is what causes and perpetuates many of these issues. Forgiveness is the only sure way of finding lasting happiness.
These books are a good investment for everybody. Making Love Last and Please Understand Me.