Is it a Tradition or a Rut?

Here we are in the middle of the holiday season; after Thanksgiving and before Christmas. This is a fun time to be out among the masses. People seem quicker with a greeting or kind word. Conversations with strangers are begun with a smile and before I know it we are sharing our holiday plans and traditions. It is fascinating how different the same holiday is celebrated.

Tradition is a common word used when sharing holiday experiences. Young families are encouraged to begin holiday traditions and older adults are steeped in traditions and rituals. As times change and industries evolve rituals also change and evolve. Where once the fireplace, a crackling fire tradition, was in the majority of homes it is replaced by a video, evolved to a DVD, of a roaring fire that will play on your television or computer screen.

While visiting with a friend she shared that she liked to try new things for the holiday meal but had met with opposition from some members of the family. “We don’t usually have that,” was the response. There are those who have gone to great lengths to reproduce specific items. I, myself, have gone the extra mile to keep traditions in place and/or argued when one was missed, replaced or unavailable but when does a tradition become a rut?

A rut is a fixed or established mode of procedure or course of life, usually dull or unpromising. A tradition that becomes troublesome or uncompromising to the detriment of others can have crossed over to a rut. Are there times when our efforts to continue a tradition have caused others distress or brought conflict to the holiday? Have we, perhaps unknowingly, diminished the celebration of another by our insistence in keeping with tradition?

Traditions are a large part of our celebrations and also a large part of our Christian worship
experiences. Traditions are useful in remembrance and teaching and can provide a strong framework for spiritual growth but these religious traditions, too, can become a rut. Historically denominations have been split and formed over a disagreement in traditions. See the Old-New Side debate as one example.

Justo L. Gonzalez in his The Story of Christianity provides insight on how to escape turning religious tradition into a rut. “One way in which we can avoid this danger is to know the past that colors our vision. A person wearing tinted glasses can avoid the conclusion that the entire world is tinted only by being conscious of the glasses themselves. Likewise, if we are to break free from an undue weight of tradition, we must begin by understanding what that tradition is, how we came to be where we are, and how particular elements in our past color our view of the present. It is then we are free to choose which elements in the past, and in the present, we wish to reject, and which we will affirm.”

At this wonderful time of year when traditions play an important role in our family celebrations and worship be deliberate in the fruits of the spirit and be mindful of Romans 14:20; Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. (NIV)

Parable of the Two Salads

The Christian life is a journey. We accept Christ as our Savior, realizing we are sinful and then give our life over to His teachings and transforming love and grace. What follows is a constant learning, growing and changing at a pace our own ‘will’ will allow. I was 40 years old when I experienced the Parable of the Two Salads and though it was a heart changing, life changing experience I had already been on my Christian journey for many, many years.

In reflection this was my Jeremiah moment. Jeremiah 29:12-14 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and will bring you back from captivity. Although Jesus became my savior in grade school it took over thirty years of stuttering growth through stubbornness and selfishness to reach the spiritual development where He revealed Himself in a powerful way.

It was Thanksgiving, 2001 and the atmosphere was tense. No family or guests were expected but I was planning the meal, the day, the whole school break. There were two particular salads from David’s childhood that we always included at the Thanksgiving meal. Groceries were purchased, food made and served. Questions were raised about the salads. Something was different. What does that matter they are present on the table. Tensions rose, words were snapped, feelings hurt; the silence was deafening.

I bustled around the littered table cleaning up the remnants of a not-so-perfect meal while having a boisterous discussion with God in my head. “Why is he being such a . . . ? Why can’t he . . .? Why isn’t he . . .? Why doesn’t he . . .?” And in the midst of my tirade God asked, “Why don’t you?” I was dumbfounded. He proceeded to open my heart and flood it with David’s point of view, what my actions looked like and how, as a child of His, I should be choosing to act instead.

Like individual playing cards my negative, selfish behavior of the day was laid out for me to see. How I ignored what David was wanting, the good, childhood memories the salads evoked, for my desire of penny saving and expediency. How my unenthusiastic, rushed manner reflected on everyone else and created the tension. Where were the fruits of the spirit? Where was my Christ like behavior? Where was my thanksgiving?

I asked God, and David, to forgive me and made Psalm 139:23-24 my daily prayer. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (NIV) I asked God to give me the desire to seek Him and He planted that desire deep in my heart.

In the past eight years of consciously, deliberately seeking God I have enjoyed a deeper personal relationship and He has restored my joy in life. I was on the journey but often taking my own path and finding frustration and dissatisfaction but, when asked, He showed me a much narrower path that brought me closer to Him and understanding what He requires of me as an agent of the kingdom.

Do you have a personal parable that allowed God to reveal Himself to you in a powerful way? I would be honored to hear your story if you would like to share.

The Writing on the Wall

I was sitting in church yesterday immersed in the worship and music and pushing through a continuing conversation with the Lord when I saw the writing on the wall, literally. It was the words to the song that everyone in the congregation was singing but as I sung the words the Lord spoke to my heart and His meaning was clear. The conversation was at an end and it was time for me to be obedient.

Many of you are familiar with the saying "the writing on the wall". It originates from the Book of Daniel when God wrote upon the wall the words that predicted the downfall of Babylon. As an idiom it has come to mean one can see the end of an event or thing. Personally this was the end of a discussion I began with God in August.

As is with most spiritual journeys the end result of the conversation was evident before yesterday but looking back it is clearer to see the other prayer markers in place. My situation will allow for the work, it is biblically sound and, most importantly, David is like minded. It is also clear that the holdup was due to the answer not being the fun and exciting answer I was negotiating for but an unglamorous job that will take much work, effort and discipline. I was delaying the inevitable by arguing under the guise of seeking God's guidance; hence, the writing on the wall.

There is a history in this situation which brings evidence to the personal relationship we can have with Jesus Christ. Very clear in my memory is a Sunday morning in April, 1992 of sitting in the church service at Crescent Hill Baptist Church in Louisville, Kentucky. I was in fervent prayer pleading for the Lord to provide an answer. "Lord, put the writing on the wall. Let me know what to do and I will do it," and I searched the wall behind the pulpit willing the Father to give me a word. There was no writing that day but the moment was poignant enough that the point of the writing on the wall, yesterday, was clear. I will do it.

Now begins the work. Ironically I anticipate my work for the Lord will be sitting eating chocolate bars and never gaining any weight when it is always harvesting the cocoa beans in the hot, humid tropical sun. The overwhelming proof in my personal journey that my joy will be so much more compete in the harvest should keep me from negotiating but my spiritual immaturity and strong will fight every time.

I am starting with this blog. The focus is changing from my intent to provide wisdom to Logan and my college friends to providing a window for those the Lord will send and the path that will unfold before me. Pray for me as I will pray for you that we be obedient in everything.

The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. 2 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV)

When Death Plans to Visit

David and I have entered that season when we are taking care of aging parents. Although they are light hearted about having 'one foot in the grave' death is close enough that we have discussed, or are discussing, what is to be done during, and at, their final stage of life. As we are watching these loved ones slow down and their bodies give in to the inevitable the natural inclination is to review their life. This brings revelation, consideration and insight.

As health issues are often what brings death close we take a look at inherited maladies and the cause and effect of good vs. bad choices. Heart disease and diabetes are all encompassing and expensive. Better choices about eating, exercise, stress levels and sleep patterns at any age are documented to make a difference. When you are young you diet and exercise to look good to others. At mid-age we try diet and exercise, again, because we’ve seen too many medications and not enough energy to get outside.

 

Finances are what decide what level of health care you will receive and, be well aware, there are many levels. Having poor health due to bad choices will reduce any financial situation to ‘limited’ very quickly. Having good health still puts you in poor conditions if you have not financially planned for a time when physically your body will not labor daily. You need to prepare for medical science to keep you alive longer than you expect or desire. Having a place to live that is paid for will be your greatest advantage when you begin to live on a limited income. Expecting to die before financial hardship settles in is NOT a plan.

Relationship skills, or your lack of, are spot lighted in your twilight years. Consequences generated from decisions made concerning family relations throughout your life come home to roost. If you didn’t have time for your children or take care of their needs when they were young don’t be surprised that they will not have time to take care of your needs when you are old. Be the parent, grandparent, sister, brother, Aunt, Uncle, cousin and/or friend you would like to have and you’ll always have someone to sit beside you.

Faith will bring you peace. Where you will go when death comes for you becomes very important when death plans a visit. It is human nature to be afraid of the unknown especially with the possibility of Hell existing soon to be revealed. I fear the overwhelming sadness of the absence of a loved one even when I am certain they will be waiting for me in heaven. That emptiness can be a wide expanse. For myself I find great comfort in Proverbs 3:24” When you lie down, you will not be afraid; you will lie down, and your sleep will be pleasant.” I know that when death comes for me I will be going home to heaven. I want to spend as much time as I can with those I love here on earth but I look forward to the day Christ takes me home.

So what are we doing? Trying once again to eat right, get more exercise and participate in a wellness program. Working, saving and investing wisely for what we anticipate our needs will be when our income becomes limited. Demonstrating love and care for those who will be needed to care for us. Above all else: nurturing our spiritual life so we may be about the work of the kingdom here on earth, experience peace in our passing and hear “well done good and faithful servant…,” Matt. 25:21 upon our arrival home.

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Dating & Mating #4: Keeping Relationships Alive

It is not breaking news that we, as humans, are relationship challenged. We have few, walking, breathing, models of a “good marriage” that we can observe either personally, in our family circles, in our communities, nationally or worldwide. Lots of factors play into the death of a relationship. I want to address those benign breakups that blame factors like “irreconcilable differences” as the cause. Those breakups where both parties hold equal share in the unaddressed problems and agree that it is more effort to stay together than it is to (attempt) to sever all connections.

In these breakups selfishness is the cause, short-sightedness is the motivator and lack of communication is the driving force. In 1977 Robert J. Ringer published his book “Looking Out for #1”. He created a title that turned into a mantra and was absorbed into our culture thus providing a socially acceptable excuse for seeking our own pleasures at the cost of all others.

We need little reason to be selfish; it is part of our inherent nature. Self-less-ness is what makes a life in Christ so outstanding and yet so difficult to maintain. To be self-less takes conscious thought and effort because it is not our idea, not what we want or what would make us most happy or our point of view. Being self-less is being obedient to the commands of; love one another, do to others as you would have them do to you, love your neighbor as yourself. Being self-less is putting others first, it is looking out for numbers 2,3,4…; it is a joy you realize only when you are.

In our selfish desires we become short-sighted. We want what will make us feel good ASAP giving no thought to what the consequences may be in the long run. Not thinking that supporting two households is more expensive than keeping one together. Not seeing beyond “I cannot stand this another minute” but a year later you sit alone yet another night. Someone young makes you feel young but six months later you realize you have so little in common. Our pain, our frustration, our fears are so large, so immediate that only instant action will salve, solve, or soothe us. We’ll deal with the fallout later no matter the cost.

Short-sightedness leads us to stop talking. If we don’t communicate we can’t argue, disagree or hurt. Once you shut your mouth to suffer in silence you begin construction on the wall that will separate you from them, the pain, the situation and the solution. Healthy arguments resolved are substantially better than icy silence. If concerns are not given a voice there can be no understanding only conjecture and speculation. NO ONE is a mind reader and expecting them to be is your fault alone.

The cure for a hurt, damaged, broken relationship is forgiveness. To forgive is to grant pardon; absolve; to cease to feel resentment against. Forgiveness is something we want desperately to be given but give so reluctantly or not at all. To forgive goes hand in hand with self-less-ness. As Christians we are called to forgive simply because we have been forgiven: Col. 3:13, Luke 6:37, Matt 6:14-15. Forgiveness will heal those you give it to and most importantly it will heal you. It takes practice, and many times, great effort to forgive but it is a skill that should be honed at all costs because if you do not it will cost you.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:14,15

Health of Your Spiritual Heart

I work at a church and of late have had multiple discussions on the seemingly lethargic attitude of the average church member. This observation is neither new nor singular to my group but it washes across those who seek daily to add to the kingdom of God and minister to humanity. Everyone has an opinion and here is mine. The health of the individual spiritual heart reflects the spiritual attitude. Active or lethargic, or somewhere in between, your spiritual heart health can be observed in your displayed existence.

This is not the question of being ‘saved’ versus ‘lost’ nor being’ fruitful’ as a result of a mature Christian. All those who have accepted Christ as their savior have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit; John 14:1 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. Similar to other analogies of a maturing Christian I would suggest that our spiritual heart, that which only God and we truly realize, fluctuates in health with the choices we make and the deeds we do. Though no one can see our spiritual heart its health can often times be sharply displayed by our actions or the means of our existence. Luke 6:45, The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

As we age, grow and change our life and spiritual life are affected by our choices and circumstances. To mature as a disciple of Christ our choices and circumstances will have purpose and meaning and we will be more than a reed pushed around by the wind. It would seem the lethargic Christian may accept Christ as their savior but not as the author of their life story. An unhealthy heart receives an infusion upon acceptance of Christ into our lives and then fluctuates within the average to ordinary range as is evident by what we say, the choices we make and how we exist.

What does your life indicate the health of your spiritual heart is? Do you live in average but spike towards extraordinary or live in mediocre and dip towards unhealthy? We are the only ones that know the true condition of our spiritual heart but the world is often given more than a glimpse at the true condition: the angry hand signals while driving, our time at the food bank, the small, unknown indiscretions at work, at night, out with friends, our years as a mentor, our nasty comments to the cashier, our trip to help disaster victims.

We fluctuate with circumstances and the choices we make. As we mature in our walk with Christ and allow Him to be the author of our life story we begin a regular fluctuation between ordinary, extraordinary and astonishing. Donald S. Whitney is author of one of many spiritual resources with his book Ten Questions to Diagnose Your Spiritual Health. Those questions are: Do you thirst for God? Are you governed increasingly by God’s word? Are you more loving? Are you more sensitive to God’s presence? Do you have a growing concern for the spiritual and temporal needs of others? Do you delight in the Bride of Christ? Are the spiritual disciplines increasingly important to you? Do you still grieve over sin? Are you a quicker forgiver? Do you yearn for heaven and to be with Jesus?

Make the determined effort to take the steps towards spiritual maturity and let your heart live spiritually between extraordinary and astonishing.

What Are You Known For?

“You need look no further for any man’s god than where he derives his identity.”Beth Moore

Actions speak louder than words. A picture is worth a thousand words. Ask a friend and a general acquaintance to describe you as though to someone else. Do they describe your actions as well as your attributes? Did they list what you like to do or what they’ve seen you do? From their words can you determine what you are KNOWN for? “She goes skiing every weekend and makes one trip a season to Colorado. She has so much ski equipment she can’t park her car in the garage….” “He collects baseball cards, he has gone to every major league game and he has a team jacket he wears all the time….” What are you known for?

Listen to how people are described to you. “He’s a great guy but he likes to smoke cigars, a little too much.” “She can be fun but don’t tell her anything you don’t want spread around.” “He gets things done but he can be really pushy if you want to make any changes.” We rarely hear the “but….” part of those statements describing us but you can figure out that part by analyzing your public image. What are in the pictures you post on Face book, My Space, your blog? Is there a similar theme running through most of them? What symbols, pictures or posters decorate your living space? Where do you spend your free time, with who and doing what?

Nobody is perfect and your friends are friends because they like you in spite of your negative aspects but you may want to take occasional assessment of “what you’re known for” in the general acquaintance circles of your life. What you find may embarrass you enough to make a change. The extreme is “Girls Gone Wild” but that behavior in varying levels on a regular to semi-regular basis, for anyone, says the same thing. You may be known as; high maintenance, a gossip, untrustworthy, self centered, snotty, too full of yourself, arrogant, a princess, god’s gift to women. The average individual wants to be seen in a positive light and is generally surprised to note they carry a negative label.

I was ‘inadvertently’ informed that I was a gossip and therefore untrustworthy. Upon further reflection, once the shock subsided, I realized this was a correct label because I enjoyed being the first to deliver “juicy” information about friends and acquaintances alike. When it was revealed to me that friends were not sharing with me BECAUSE I was untrustworthy I was hurt but even more embarrassed. I set out to change that perception of me which could only be accomplished by NOT gossiping. There is always someone willing to attach a negative adjective but, for me, a gossip and untrustworthy of a confidence is no longer among them. I want to be known for; always smiling, being friendly, having a positive attitude, laughing often, enjoying life, loving people and representing Christ as He calls us to. This only happens if I do these things. What do you do? What are you known for? What do you WANT to be known for?

"Acquiring accurate self-knowledge, which is impossible without the illumination of the Holy Spirit, is absolutely necessary if we are to recognize the perversity through which we stumble." Christianity Today editorial Self-Examination Time.