Saturday, January 7, 2012

Dating & Mating #8: In Times of Trouble 2 Step Survival

Marriage takes work. It requires give and take from both partners. When the marriage vows are taken a conscious decision is made to put the wants, needs and desires of another person, if not in front of your own, at least on the same level.

Stress, anxiety, sadness and turmoil will affect you each differently but you'll want your partner to understand, or at least be sympathetic, to your particular feelings and methods of coping. Your partner will expect the same consideration.

Troubled times will come. In a world full of pitfalls your marriage relationship will stumble into many. Some are shallow, some are deep, some are very deep. Together you will face these troubles with your individual coping methods but will your marriage survive?

There are two activities that, performed regularly, will see you through the toughest of trials.

 #1: Keep talking. Do not allow a wall of silence to exist between you. The talk may become heated or loud but keep talking.  Generally women are most helped by talking and men are less inclined to share their thoughts and feelings. Keep the channels of communication open and flowing.

#2: Keep loving. Have sex frequently. Do not use sex as a punishment or reward. The loving give and take of your bodies is a right in the marriage contract and should never be withheld or taken for malicious reasons. Loving does not always have to be intercourse. Hold each other, touch one another, kiss for no reason. Men are generally most helped by having regular sex and women are quick to withhold sex in anger or under stress. Keep reaching out to each other and love.

Times of trouble will come, conflicts are unavoidable, but your marriage will survive them and more often grow stronger if these two things never stop.

More survival information: 4 For You, For Men Only, For Women Only

Statements rarely heard by a divorce lawyer:
"We have great sex but I can't stand her."
"He shares everything with me but I can't stand him."   

 Pictures from:


  1. I do believe we have the same parents. Celebrating over 50 years together they still practice those two activities! I also learned marriage takes three. God has been there with me and R for our deep pitfalls the last 28 years.

  2. Good tips, Sally. Marriage is a lot of work, but it is worth it. :)

  3. Ah, keeping trust takes committment.
    Great advice, Sally.

  4. Very true Sally, well put! Thanks!

  5. This is all true--and I think of a funny thing I saw on Pinterest--No man was ever shot while washing dishes. So true!

  6. Great advice --my mom always said marriage was work. Of course, she's also the one who kept saying "get your PhD before you get married", which turned out to be equally valuable advice!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog!

  7. Hi Sally,
    Well put and great advice.